Positive Adoption Language

I wanted to take this time (while I still have it!) to re-address the idea of "Positive Adoption Language". This could be considered by some to be too "politically correct" or too time consuming- to have to replace our old terminology with more appropriate terminology. And yes, it is time consuming to learn new things. But I know those of you who read this blog love us dearly and would want to join with us in celebrating the miracle of adoption through our words and actions.

As we are hopefully just days away from experiencing one of the most surreal and exciting events in our life, it is important to us that our family and friends are on the same page. We went over this terminology in our adoption training and I have read several books that address it. I have even posted it here on the blog before. I have found it to be very helpful. These are some specific areas that we hope to equip you in for our particular situation:

First-our birthmother is not "giving up her baby". People who place babies in dumpsters give them up. She is "making an adoption plan" for her child. This is a loving and responsible act, such as making a plan for your child's college or financial future would be loving and responsible. She chose to give this baby life and she is providing for her future in the best way she can. We are not "taking her baby". We are being given the gift of parenthood through adoption. If she chooses not to sign the relinquishment papers, she is not "keeping her baby". You keep a couch or bed for possible future use, not a person. She at that time would be "choosing to parent". Likewise, she did not "keep" her first two children. She chose to parent them.

To answer the question of "does she not have a family member that could take the baby?" Raising a child is a life long commitment. If you lose your job, you may have a family member that will take you in or help you financially for awhile to get you back on your feet. But parenting a child well takes a level of maturity, responsibility, and financial means to provide a basic level of care. It is not something you should do to "help someone out".

Lastly, in the event that we bring this baby home, she is our daugher. We are her real parents. Her birthmother is her birthmother, not her Mom. And her family is her birthfamily not her aunt, uncle, cousins, siblings, or grandmother. This is important. Why? Because it establishes her place in our life, in our home, and with us. And it gives her all the rights that a birth child would have. Adoption is not something that happens because we live in an imperfect world, biological is not always best. God ordained adoption from the the beginning of time, used the term adoption to refer to our relationship with Him. Adoption is a way that families are made, just like marriage, just like birth.

If you have made it this far in this post, it means to me that you care deeply about us and our family, enough to maybe re-think the way we view things related to adoption. We feel like we are expecting parents, because we are. Just like all expecting parents, we are worried about the labor and delivery, we are anxious to see our baby's sweet face, we are nervous about being up all night with a newborn! I told Billy last night "I didn't bear these children for us, but boy has it been a labor!" Truly a labor of love.