Thoughts on Infertility and Mother's Day

As Mother's Day approaches, I can't help but reflect upon the fact that although it is a joyous time for many, it can be a very heart breaking day for some. I currently have friends who are struggling with infertility, others who are waiting on an adoption referral, and still some whose own mother's have passed away in recent years. These women are on my mind this Mother's Day.

For two years I spent Mother's Day with a strong sense of childlessness. The first one, my sister was pregnant and the second one I was officially infertile. These were difficult days for me especially when we went to church and watched other mothers being celebrated as my heart was aching for a child of my own. The second mother's day I thought I might be pregnant, but that morning the tell tale signs that this was not true began right before we left for church. I just wasn't sure I could go on anymore with that kind of dissapointment and pain. But as anyone who has really hurt knows, you do. Every day you wake up and breathe in and out again and move forward. And I am thankful that I did get up every day. I'm thankful that I dragged myself to support groups and counseling and that I reached out to friends. Those "steps of hope" as my support group was appropriately named, brought me further along in a short amount of time on our journey then I think I would have been had I done it alone.

It was the summer following that second Mother's Day that our IUI failed and we reached the conclusion, through God's gentle nudging, and the guidance of an adoption ministry, that through our struggles to be parents we had failed to see that our child was quite possibly out there somewhere waiting for us. And he was! He had been born 10 months earlier, was sitting in a neglectful foster home, and he was waiting...

6 months later he came home. And my third Mother's Day married was a joy-filled one as my arms held my long awaited child and my heart was filled once more.

This Mother's Day as I juggle a busy toddler and a very fiesty newborn, I reflect upon the years it took us to get here and I am sad for the pain we endured. My heart aches for my friends who wait, but I know that their wait will one day end either through conception or adoption if they continue to pursue their dreams of being parents.